Fish on Land

What the Hell

I’ve recently been in a strange foggy funk – an alternate universe – where the things that always make me happy instead elicit no joy. When my joy past times (watching movies, discovering new music, reading pulp novels, exercising, eating chocolate, planning the weekends, wearing cute clothes) stop producing joy, I start to shrink, a literal shriveling up process. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

It started with yoga class. Just as I felt like I was actually getting more flexible and building strength, actually improving, I walked into class and there was a young and flexible-looking girl IN MY USUAL SPOT. I had never seen her before and she just stared at me – probably because I was staring at her with anger/resentment/curiosity all over my face. I’m not even PMS-ing, I was just supremely irritated that my spot was taken. I flopped my mat down a few feet from her. The whole yoga thing is new to me and I love it, I finally get the whole mind/body breath/focus thing. I feel great afterwards. But since it’s new to me, I’m still forming my “safe place” mentality and part of that mentality requires that I have a specific spot to do it in – I’m visual and kinda territorial, so my spot is very important. Class starts and my mind is all over the place, can’t focus, can’t breath into the stretch. F*ck!!!! As I creak and twitch into a pose, one that requires that I turn my head basically backwards, I spot HER and she’s easily twisted into the pose like nobody’s business. It’s not enough that she takes my spot, she’s also yoga-advanced? Come on. I would have easily forgiven her if she was a novice like me. I couldn’t shake it the whole class. I have a long way to go, I realize, before I get to yoga nirvana. 

When I get home and flop onto the couch, I just stare at the mini pile of Netflix envelopes and I have no interest. The last few nights have just slithered away, no focus and no fun. Consequently, I become a class-A bitch to live with, I’m sure. Last night it was just too hard to do anything other than cram some anonymous food into my weary mouth and climb into bed in a ball. It was a Thursday for Christ’s sake, that’s one of my favorite days of the week usually. I’d really like the fog to clear soon. Am I the only one who unexpectedly gets pinned to the floor like this out of nowhere? Just as everything eventually does, this too shall pass.

In the meantime, here are some quirky romantic movies that I really liked when I wasn’t feeling this way.

The Notebook

Ask The Dust

Simon (Dutch)

Happy Endings

The New World

And as a bonus, if you haven’t yet checked out Mr. Cranky's Movie Reviews website, please do so. His reviews are usually scathing – he measures movies by how bad they are – and rarely gives a glow(er)ing review to anything, but when he does, you really know it’s worth seeing. The site is a little tricky to navigate but always cheers me up.

Rock Out Like You're European

In Europe, there's a summer music festival tradition that includes lots of music and sunshine and beer. American bands, by way of their well-oiled industry PR machines, make it a point to tour there in the summer to participate in the festivals. In that spirit,  although happening a little more into the fall season, there's a very cool 2 day outdoor concert happening in Vegas called Vegoose. Performing acts include Tom Petty, Fiona Apple, The Roots, Built To Spill, Jurassic 5 and even Kool Keith aka Dr. Octagon. Totally eclectic and totally live. Plus you get to be in Vegas!

No, I'm not getting kick backs for promoting the show.
Yes, I really want to go.

The Sound of Silence

I’m one of those people who wake up a few times during the night. The tiniest sound or change in light brings me to full upright position with eyes open. The idea of sleeping undisturbed throughout the night and waking well rested is an utterly elusive experience to me. The worst thing about my freakishly light sleep condition is that I can never be certain that I will get a full night’s rest, no matter how tired I am or how early I go to bed. Case in point, I haven’t used an alarm clock for years, and I’ve never been late due to over sleeping. Long baths before bed, followed by scented candles in the bedroom, gentle foot massages, soothing hand cream; all nice but worthless in the battle to sleep through the night, until the discovery of my I Will Die Without It (IWDWI) products. This is not a creepy, addictive, prescription sleep aid, nor is it very expensive or require a wait list to obtain. Instead, these are 2 products that are best in class and simply kick ass. Used together, you might never wake up! Just kidding, unless that’s your thing.

The first is a beeswax-based moldable ear plug, appropriately named The World’s Finest Ear Plugs. They look like Gumby buttons of craft putty when they arrive and once you put one between your thumb and forefinger and squeeze, it softens nicely into a soft wad of slightly gummy blue clay. If you then take the softened piece and kind of lodge it into your ear and pat it in, you create a serious sound barrier. Don’t be shy, you want to really cram it in, and don’t worry, the plug stays together so that you don’t end up with any of it lodged in your ear. If one piece is too big for your ear, pull some of it off, it’s easy to resize to fit your ear canal. Once in place, nothing will break on through to the delicate sound chamber. A big plus: they are completely comfortable in any sleep position. It’s utterly glorious. I buy in bulk and since they are reusable, I get about a month’s use out of one pair. I keep them in a little snap shut ring case on my bedside table. Ooh how I love my blue wax ear plugs! They’re great for red eye flights too.

Step 2 in the “How to Stay Asleep Program” is the use of a comfortable and light blocking eye mask. In days past, eye masks were satiny with an awkward elastic band that squeezed onto your head and wouldn’t budge once in place. No, no, no, my sleep deprived friend. What you need is the Tempur-Pedic Eye Mask. Using the same technology that they pioneered for the bed, the eye mask molds to your face, doesn’t pressurize your eyeballs into their sockets and yet totally and completely blocks out light. It’s a soft plushy material that is adjustable to fit your head and you can sleep on your side or stomach. It also stays put without tangling up in your hair.

In the end, we all need a good night’s rest, and god bless those who can doze off soundly during a tornado, but the rest of us need something safe and simple. World’s Finest and Tempur-Pedic were thinking about us, with our puffy eyes and sleepy morning faces, when they developed these simple and effective 5-star products. Sleep on!